im homeee

im homeeeeeeee.
its been 2 weeks i gues. but this wednesday im going back to hospital for my second chemo. this time not in hospital ampang anymore, but in sjmc. its only 4 days chemo but maybe 5 days admit in the hospital.

ok since everyone ask. im not sure where is the room and what floor. but fah, dont worry. my mom is gona book a nice room for me. she ask me to tell u that. so people, there is no visiting hours and no limitation of visitors. so peeps, lets berkampung there! yuns and farah, if u tak datang, putus kawan ok? becus sjmc n taylors , they are like neighbors ok?

fah , if u dont tell me the exact date of ur flight, im gona pretend that i duno u when u visit me. ill make the guards campak u in the kolam. u tell me ok? demit.

i miss u ampang hspital!

Since most of u guys knew about my leukemia, which I have no idea how it gets so damn far, I decided to post my experience in the hospital for a month and share some information about leukemia. If u have nothing else to do, do read it. Its quite interesting. It from the 6^th day I was in hospital until 2 days before I went back home.

25^th march 2006

Today is the 6^th day im in this hospital ive just discover that I am sick. Ive been carry a blood disorder since I am not sure when. The blood disease is called leukemia. A minute ago the nurse just taken my weight. so much weight lost. It suppose to be a dream come true for me. But It’s the other way round.

Let me tell you how I discover about this disease. For the last half a month, my back wisdom tooth is coming out. So ive been crying like a baby ever since. As time goes by, I realize my gum is swollen more and more everyday. It almost cover my teeth. So I decided to go to the dentist and check out what Is really wrong with my teeth. The dentist told me that theres alots of plaque in the gum and that’s why it make my gum infection. So the dentist told me that I need to scale and wash out the gum. And so I did, but the swollen did not change. Its as worst as like before I did the scaling.

Day after day, my wisdom tooth is getting more and more irritating and more hurtful. Ive been to all pharmacist, and I don’t know how much pain killer pills have I taken. Ive been to 3 dentist and they all say its normal. Its just that my gum is extra thick. So they remove the gum that had been covering my wisdom tooth so that its easier for the teeth to grow. Both of the side of my gum was remove. But the gum that had been covering my teeth still remains the same. Its covering almost all of my teeth. My teeth looks like a 3 yrs old teeth. So small and covered with the gum. Therefore I did not eat properly. I did not eat solid food for almost a month. I ate oats or cereals once a day. And drank milo 3 times a days. That’s all. I did not use the function of my teeth for a month. My dad was really worried. I started to have fever and my face was so pale. I look my self at the mirror and I could not recognize my self. So he ask me to go to another dentist. He said this dentist is really good. So on the day that I met the dentist hr gave me antibiotics and he said, after a week if the swollen did not reduce, I need to go to g.h hospital, because there is a specialist dentist there that maybe can help me even more. As I predict, the swelling still did not reduces. So the last resort, I need to go to g.h hospital. So as I arrive they do the usual dentist stuff, open up my mouth, putting in the stick with the small mirror snd all. And they agree that the swollen is unusual. So they x-ray my teeth and its perfectly normal.

A bit relieve actually when they say that. And than they gave me scare me again. They going to take my blood for a test. That’s when all the drama begun. Crying and worrying, and shocking. So they send me in the ambulant straight away and the mobile ran like a mad hyena. As I arrive to the more convenient hospital called Ampang Hospital, my dad was there waiting for me. And my mothers eye is still red and watery. I was more relaxed actually. But scared. Scared if I have a little more time to breath in this planet. And so they gave me a bed to lay, due to the condition that I was in, I could not even stand up at the moment. Despite my parents, Arifahs mom and one of my cousins was also there, anxiously waiting for the famous Dr Chang to explain about my disease. Dr Chang is currently one of the best Dr in Asia. His specify in blood diseases. So we waited and waited, until one tall , very sweet looking and calm and warm man came and smile to us. So as he explain, the told me to put my studies on hold for about a year, because this hospital is going to be my second house. But they need to take some blood from my spine to confirm if I have leukemia and what kind. Apparently, leukemia has 12 kinds all together.

Two days after they confirm it. Yes I do I have leukemia, and it’s the AML kind. 75% cure able. That’s good news. But the sucky part is, after my medication in over and I will be all right, but, it may come back in between about five years. And if it does, it will be worst than before. More chemos and more powerful chemos. So I need to be very-very careful.

As time goes by, my moms eyes getting brighter and brighter, and I know she has been secretly to surau and cry, because she still cannot face the fact that im sick. But after a few days, she starting to stand up and face it with her chin up. I guess that’s just mothers. Shes just doing her job. Worrying.

Ive made friends there. Theres about 5 of us with the same luck. We click immediately. Every night we have a meeting in the t.v room. There we talk about everything. But in between all five of us, im the different ones. Because im the only ones that lives in a suburbia area. One of them from perak, Pahang, and the others I did not ask. All of them doesn’t look sick at all. One of them, the oldest, shes 24 but she have the mind of our age. Her name is Suria. Im worried about her, shes too brave. Shes on chemo therapy and yet she walks around and talk with us. She throws away her medicine because she hates it. She quarrel with the doctors too many times because she refuse to wear hospital clothes. And the doctors gave up. So she’s walking around with her t-shirt and shorts with her snow cap. She even goes to the mc d in front of the hospital while its raining. She sleeps at 2 am because she talks to the nurses that works night shifts. She thought me to be brave. Or not, I will be lying down on the hospital bed and wondering around.

Time after time, one by one left me. No, not as in to heaven, but they went home. Because they have been in the hospital much earlier than me. First it was this Chinese girl I cant remember her name. Than its Ain, and than Huda, and than Suria. They all left me alone.

Since there is no first class in this hospital, so I went in the second class. More convenient. Theres air conditioner and only four people in a room. The 3^rd class has no air cond. And its more crowded. No limitation for patients. But all three patient in the room are much older than me. But there educated so my mom make friends with them. They click perfectly. Since im a people person, I make friends with al of them. Get to know them. And ask them questions. Because they’ve been trough it more than I have. But as usual, they all left me. One by one. But when one went out, in with the new. So we just hope to god that the new one, we can click just like before.

The nurses here are all pretty and nice. Damn nice. All of them know my name. and we make friends. I knew all 15 of their names and where they are from. Mostly they are from Kelantan, perlis, terrenganu, penang. No kl-ians. So they have his funny way of talking that I always make fun of. Now, since my white blood is very low. Due to the chemo, they have to inject my arm with some medicine. And I cannot, I repeat I cannot, as much as fobia, and allergy of needles. I hate them. Every night they have to pock it in my arm. That is when they laugh until they cry. Because I will do anything to not get pock. I beg them and try to bribe with them and yet they still pock me every night. Theres this ones I pretend to go to sleep when they came. So one of the nurse said “ ha, dia dok tidok ni lagi senang kita cucok ni, Liza, pi amik jarom yang besak-besak tu” so I woke up with laughter. But still, I got pock.

The doctors, some are great and some are sour. Dr Chang is always the best. He pampers me a lot. I tell him when I can go home. And Im the one who tells him what I can eat and what medicine I will only take. He only nodded and smile. But still all the decision only made by him. He just loves to paper me. The doctors will come every morning to every patient to look at their progress. So since Dr Chang is the head of the hospital, hes very busy. And he comes and sees me only 3 times a week. So I need to be observe by the other doctors. Dr Sinari. Shes unmarried. And its so obvious why. She a nice lady, but her words are more sharp than the needles that pocks me every night. And theres once she scold me because I put my lap top on my eating table. But I don’t let all this silly things to get me upset so I ask her back, where else can I put it? On the floor? She was quite upset with me for a while. That incident makes all the nurses talking. Because she is suppose to be very Garang. But I don’t care. She once said that she would strangle me if I don’t wear my mask all the time. What kind of doctor would say that. The other doctor is Dr Lau. Hes famous too. Every patient hates him. Hes worst than Sinari. But not me. I kindda enjoy with him. Hes my morning entertainment. He will argue

with me in a small matter and I will debate with him until he shakes his head leaf to right. Hes a problematic guy. He gaves problems to people by scolding patients with a small maters. And there’s one more, Dr Azlan. I like him after Dr Chang. He’s funny. He’s very father like. I can ask him about everything. Everything that I want, including about hes hot 22 yrs old son. He said he wants me to marry him. So that he wont be bored when his old and he will have cute grand children’s. and I ask him grandchildren’s? and he said he wants a lots of grandchildren’s, he wants to make a football team. Hes the kind of doctor that sits on your bed and talk and talk and talk so that you wont think about your disease that much. I wonder if he does that to every patient. But the nurses said no. so I guess im his favorite patient. But I still like Dr Chang more. Sometimes when he dint see me for a long time I would scold him and he will give me the doctors menu for a day. The patients food here sucks! It doesn’t taste anything. And its eastern food. The doctors menus are westerns. So sometimes I get the western menu, thanks to Dr Chang. As I said he loves to pampers me. Maybe because he doesn’t have any kids.

Now lets talk about my chemo. Its called Arasi. It pretty powerful. I have to go trough it for 7 days and the chemo takes 12 hours. Chemo is just like water drip. When u watch Greys Anatomy or E.R or House or other medical stories, can see they will insert a tube in a patients hand and there will be a bag or a bottle of sodium water to keep the patient energize. Yea, that’s more like it. But in the bottle is chemo. Chemo is fine, but the effect is very bad. My body was like on fire. So hot. And my temperature rise up until 40 deg.

Normal is 36. I have fever for a week. And it effected on some of my body parts and organs. My legs has bruisers inside. And its has lumps witch is very- very painful. I could not walk for 2 weeks but since I was very stubborn at certain times I force my self to walk because I need to go to toilet. And I need two people to hold my arms. When I walk, I cry. I cant stand the pain in my legs. The bruises goes up to my tights.

Actually after the first chemo, I have 10% of mortality. I almost left this world actually. But the inner strength that I have was incredible, the doctor said. I know the people down here need me more than the big guy up there. My body was very weak. They had given me an antibiotic that my body had rejected. For three days, at night I shivers. The nurses said its normal, usually patients will shivers after taken the antibiotics. But the shivering was very bad. My bed shivers together with me. My mom hug me tight and she shivers along. The next day, my mom had fever so my dad had to took care of me. The second night was the same. But this time its getting more bad, the shivering was longer and more. I try to stop the shiver but I end up crying because I was tired strengthen my body to stop the shivering. On the third night of the antibiotics, was still the turn of my dad to take care of me. This time it was chronic. The shivering was too much. Until I could not breath, they gave me the oxygen tube but it was not enough. Thank god it wasn’t the my moms turn to take care of me or else she might have collapse seeing me shiver, says my dad. So they send me to icu as fast as they can. I was gasping for air. My face was blue. After they place me onto the icu ward, they gave me this mask that covers my mouth and nose and it fills with oxygen. Every time I inhale, my head will be push towards. So if outside people look at me its like im really gasping for air.

Fah came down to kl just to visit me. I make her cry when I was at the icu ward. But it was nothing. I tried to tell her that I was not in pain anymore but I couldn’t , because the mask was still on. She delayed her ticket. Instead of going home on Tuesday, she went home on Thursday. That was not necessary. The reason why I could not breath was, my lung has infection. A bad one. If they dint send me to icu fast enough I might leave my love ones. So I had t stay there for 3 days. 3 days in icu was like in prison. Because no one can visit you and my parents cant sleep with me. And I cant walk at all. They pock a tube in the part that I pee so that I can pee in a bag at the side of my bed. And I had to poop in diapers. Thank god no pooping during icu. And that’s when they took out my tube in my hand and they change it to my neck. Yes ladies and gents, theres a tube in my neck now. But of Corse they put me to sleep when they did it. Damn doctors. I dint know that they were going to do that. But after a while ive got use to it. Before they have to pock the tube in my vain on my hands every 3 days so that it wont get infected by germs. That’s when I start to scream. And when they need my blood for blood test they will take it from my arm. They pock meeee.. I hate getting pock. But now since the tube is in my neck I don’t have to be pock. They will take my blood from there and this tube last long. So less pock and more smiles. But I will still get pock every night for the medicine.